Strategies for dealing with over-active 'mom brain'

Feel like you’re always Overthinking and Overwhelmed? Especially during busy times of the year? I think most of us Moms can relate to that. Personally, I call it my ‘over-active mom brain.’

No matter what you call it, if you find yourself feeling this way, I like to suggest 3 simple strategies to help move past it.

I feel like it’s nearly impossible not to feel overwhelmed at certain times of year. Sometimes, the activities that used to bring us so much joy turn into just bucket list items to be checked off a list.  And when you have a family and kids, it just becomes more complicated trying to fit everything in and trying to please everyone. We’re often left feeling overwhelmed, dissatisfied, and over-tired.

One strategy that has helped me deal with overthinking comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, called “The Observing Self”.

Contrary to popular belief, trying to constantly replace your negative thoughts with positive thoughts often leads to an internal struggle that can take your focus away from being present in your life. This internal struggle can also lead to shame, and thoughts of “why can’t I just be more positive?”. Being able to simply observe those thoughts with non-judgment can leave you feeling much lighter and more free to focus on the present moment. This helps you separate yourself from your thoughts, hence “The Observing Self”. An example of this would be imagining your thoughts like a wave on a beach. The thoughts come in and they simply go back out, and you are left freer than you were before. They have less weight on your sense of self.

Another simple strategy to go along with “The Observing Self” is being able to stop and say “Thank you, Mind” when you notice yourself ruminating on a certain topic for too long.

I really appreciate this approach because it acknowledges that the over-active mind does serve a purpose in our society. Looking at evolutionary psychology, someone who is able to think of every single possible outcome, probably stayed alive longer. This anxious, or overactive, part of our brain really does serve a purpose, but doesn’t need to stay active all the time. So it can be nice to say thank you to this side of our brain, while also redirecting our attention to the part of our brain that can be in a state of relaxation and presence. This can absolve us from feelings of shame while helping us feel more calm and relaxed in our daily life. 

So the next time you find yourself ruminating or overthinking, try telling yourself “Thank you, Mind” and then refocusing on the present moment.

Lastly, we have the “Commitment” part of “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy”, which helps us take purposeful action towards our goals.

The first step is to define your values and the second step is to create a goal that aligns with those values. There are a lot of different types of online worksheets and exercises that can help you define and clarify your values. Some examples of values are: a strong family connection, advancing your career, having time for faith or religion, or helping others. 

Next is setting your goal. Are you finding yourself feeling angry about a certain issue or cause? Setting a goal to start volunteering at an organization that aligns with your passion, could help dissipate the anger and help you connect with a greater sense of purpose. Are you overwhelmed by a challenging project at work, but also want to advance your career? Try setting a goal to break it down into smaller tasks or ask a trusted co-worker for help. Are you overwhelmed by the amount of extracurricular activities your children are involved in? How about a goal to bring on some grandparent or additional support. Trying to decide between two activities? Look at the one that aligns more with your values and you will feel more satisfied, meaningful, and fulfilled in your life.

So the next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, give this a try:

1. Observe your thoughts as waves on a beach, let them come and go with nonjudgment

2. Say “Thank you, Mind”

3. Set a simple goal that aligns with your values